I’mma be straight with y’all: I didn’t write anything last week both because it was a kind of insane week, but also I had been getting really into my head about whether I should continue this newsletter.
The anxiety in my brain, which is like, a leech, but one that is also a security blanket—I don’t know how else to explain this, but I can and do acknowledge that it is Fucked Up—convinces me that nothing is ever worth trying or following through with because there’s a slight possibility that everyone will hate it, and also me, and maybe also people will throw stones at me, medieval style. So you know, why try at all?
AND SO, I had to remind myself that while this newsletter is for the people (thank you to you, people), it is also for me: A promise I made for myself, something new to try, dipping a toe outside of my comfort zone, and so on, and so forth.
Unsurprisingly, I’ve also been thinking a lot of the links between this obsessive need for external validation (which, btw, I am getting! Some of you are like, emailing me and texting me and this is not a cry for help lol) and anxiety or depression or whatever the fuck it is I have. And yes, I am again thinking about the time I begged my old therapist White Vanessa for a good, sexy diagnosis—I wanted so badly, in my 20s, to just have one of those Girl, Interrupted illnesses. You know, a cute little bout of borderline personality disorder for kicks—but instead I just got slapped with GENERALIZED ANXIETY DISORDER and REGULAR OL’ DEPRESSION. I’m BASIC, I guess.
Okay, but also, wait. As I’m writing this, I’m realizing this is maybe I just have imposter syndrome? LOL. I’m glad we’re all figuring this out together.
👀 You should be watching…
👯♀️ Bad Sisters. Ireland! A group of sisters banding together to try to kill their other sister’s gaslighting abusive fuck of a husband who literally psychologically tortures every breathing thing in his vicinity! Starring Bono’s hot, short daughter and the hot Black Irish guy who was in that movie where he’s hired to throw a bone in Emma Thompson! A+ highly recommend.
👰♀️ Marriage in Contract. A ridiculous ass K-drama about a wife-for-hire ??????? And a love triangle featuring one client she’s had for five years who is so socially awkward he just refuses to speak because he always says the wrong thing? And this other guy who is a famous actor with bleached eyebrows who calls her his first love but there’s no evidence she ever even noticed him? Yes it sounds crazy, but if you trust rom-com queen Park Min Young like I do, you’ll be just fine.
I’d like to talk more about pop culture stuff x mental health slash brain stuff, but I’m still having a kinda hard time figuring out how to do that — but if you have any suggestions or thoughts let me know. Seriously! LET ME KNOW.