the joys of repetition

any excuse to not do the shit i need to be doing 😑

REAL QUICK BEFORE I BEGIN: I wrote this last week, and I felt like a genius. Now, I don’t know if I believe any of the shit I wrote below, and it’s really long for no reason, and the whole point is I love rewatching the same TV shows over and over again and I used to not let myself do it but now I do let myself do it because there are only so many joys in life and can I LIVE? Okay. Read on, if you feel like it, I guess.

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I’ve been on the search for a new coping mechanism, because as I’ve mentioned before, the old ones are just not working anymore. It’s the consequences, man. The hangovers are too severe, and I’m honestly too lazy to do anything else, especially if it requires me leaving the house. Bad decisions, you can do at home. Bad bad decisions, the ones that actually feel good momentarily, as a coping mechanism, but eventually so horrible later, but you’re not thinking about that right now—well. Those require you to leave the house and I refuse. 

Anyway, I was thinking about how a lot of times when I was younger and hotter and depressed-er (jk, every year i explore a new depth of depresh), I would sit and rewatch my favorite shows. As in, finish a show, then start it over again—if not immediately, then three-ish months after. I did this a lot with a few shows, but mostly Misfits, which somehow brought me the kind of joy where you’re just cackling to yourself, all alone in your one-bedroom apartment, because you’re only 24 but you peaked early and BTW lol, you’ll never live alone again. 

ANYWAY. I had stopped doing the constant rewatching thing because it reeked of depression and general unhingedness and made a lot of people ask me, very frequently, “Are you okay?” THE ANSWER IS ALWAYS NO.

However, since the SAD light I ordered hasn’t come yet, I recently redipped my toe in the rewatching water with this K-Drama I really like, Strong Woman Do Bong Soon. She’s STRONG. She’s a WOMAN. She’s DO BONG SOON. Also she’s a fellow short and I gotta take the WINS WHERE I CAN GET THEM.

When I first watched it—more than six months ago, but less than one year ago—it was very, very clear that the series was 75% dumb/bad or creepy/depressing. But the 25%? The two cutest leads? Their chemistry? Both super virgin-y and like, genuinely delightful? Worth it. BONG BONG & MIN MIN 4EVA. Seriously, y’all got a bitch just giggling over here, tee hee hee-in and shit.

The best part? I rewatched the show in about three days because I thought about how it’s MY LIFE and I MAKE THE RULES and I just skipped all the parts I hated. And you know what? It was fucking great. Triggering my dopamine and shit.

As always, I’m writing this and seeing that constant pattern of just being hard on myself for no reason—like, bitch if you want to rewatch something over and over because it gives you a temporary dopamine hit, just do it lol, nobody cares—but I guess old habits die hard.

Anyway, I’m drinking natural wine so I have to go now. LATERS.